A parmesan bandit, Hallmark old people & a Halloween parade snafu 👀🍿🧃
Hi Wrecklings!
Bit surreal that in between drafting the bulk of this issue and you all reading, things went 📉. No words. Just make sure you’re taking time to unplug, drink water, and yeah, I see you, this beyond sucks.
“Chipotle says ensuring 'consistent and generous portions' has taken a toll on its profitability”- It’s been a long time since I had to pull this out but… 🎻
“Netflix Bullish on Gen AI for Games After Laying Off Human Game Developers”- Glad I wasn’t the only one to side-eye this LinkedIn announcement.
“Police rescue thousands of missing Bluey dollarbucks”- Phew, heroes.
“TGI Fridays, the Casual Dining Chain, Files for Bankruptcy”- Wait, the singles-targeted happy hours they hosted sound delightful.
“Thousands gather on Dublin’s O’Connell Street for Halloween parade that did not take place”- Seems like a good reason to have one next year then.
Why I’m not a fan of MrBeast:
“Hallmark Did Not Want to Cast ‘Old People’ Like Holly Robinson Peete and Lacey Chabert, Suit Claims”- Please someone do a made-for-TV-movie inspired by this.
“An influencer thought someone dropping off ballots was ‘suspect.’ It was the postman”- Sigh.
“Elon Musk Wants Big Families. He Bought a Secret Compound for His.”- This man is so repulsive, omg.
“Yankees fans ejected for prying open Mookie Betts’ glove at World Series: ‘Mookie was swearing’”- To make it even weirder, he was friends with Gronk.
“The rise of the Parmesan Bandit”- One time I went to Cumberland Farms for an iced coffee and driving home, realized I’d totally forgotten to pay for it. They did laugh when I went back to pay for it.
Lawsuits for days:
“Skiplagged was sued by a major airline—but says it will keep finding secret deals for flyers “
“JPMorgan Chase is suing customers over 'infinite money glitch' ATM scam”
“Cookies sued for allegedly not buying $4.75M worth of cannabis products”
“Sony Sues CBS for Self-Dealing on ‘Wheel of Fortune’ and ‘Jeopardy!’”
“Brooklyn woman sues Subway, claims Steak & Cheese sandwich in ad has '200% more meat'“
“Chris Brown and Drake sued for at least $5m over alleged copyright infringement on ‘No Guidance’”
“Three producers suing Rebel Wilson seek to delay case to investigate who is behind website that published ‘grotesque lies’”
“Bowery, once a leading indoor farming company valued at $2.3B, shuts down”
More Serious Stories
We realize some of these can be triggering for some readers, so feel free to skip! Also, sometimes we use weird letter subs so we’re not flagged as gross spam email.
“Two Influencers Drown After Saying Life Jackets Would Ruin Their Tans”
“MrBeast Announces Investigation Findings: S3xual Misconduct Allegations Are ‘Without Basis’”
“I was a fitness influencer with 1 million Instagram followers. I made a career U-turn after I realized my content was damaging myself and others.”
“Instagram-famous squirrel named Peanut seized by New York state authorities”
“CNN bans conservative commentator who made a racist ‘joke’ on air”
“Hindu priest claims he could fly, dies after falling from top of mountain”
“Our influencer daughter killed herself in psychiatric hospital after nurses let her film TikTok videos... staff's behaviour horrified us”
“True crime’s popularity brings real change for defendants and society. It’s not all good”
“Jack Dorsey Tells Tidal Staff About Another Round of Mass Layoffs in Leaked Note: 'Much Smaller Team'“
🔏 “Elon Musk’s PAC Fired and Abandoned Canvassers in Michigan Who Voiced Concerns: Report”
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P.S. While we’re obsessed with these stories, we don’t endorse any of these insane behaviors. 💋