Bass Pro nude cannonball, Dunkin's exploding toilet & shadow aliens 👀🍿🧃

Hi Wrecklings!

We’re only ten years into the new year and I’m confident that the title has already been claimed for the best/weirdest headline of 2024. And it sure is kicking off with a breadth of bizarre news.

• “Shoppers in disbelief as man does a naked 'cannonball' dive into Bass Pro Shop aquarium”- I’m not saying it was a good decision, but…

• “Exploding toilet at a Dunkin’ store in Florida left a customer filthy and injured, lawsuit claims”- Excuse me, HOW is he only suing them for $100k.

• “9 arrested after secret tunnel found at Chabad headquarters in Brooklyn”- These headlines are reading like scandalous Mad Libs.

• “The ‘Chicago Rat Hole’ Is the Hottest Tourist Destination of 2024”- I must go.

• “Hinge CEO Justin McLeod denies dating app has 'attractiveness score' for users after some complained their matches were so ugly they 'look like they snuck on to Earth'“- Well this would explain how I was matched with a marathon-loving, now-boyfriend.

• “SEC says it did not yet approve Bitcoin ETF, X account was compromised”- Well this is embarrassing.

• “Competition Chinese chess player says he's suing after losing title over a defecation”- There’s a lot going on here.

• “Chief executive of collapsed crypto fund HyperVerse does not appear to exist”- This is the most Web3 news ever.

• “Conspiracy Theorists Convinced ‘Shadow Aliens’ Are Loose in Miami”- Remember when Twitter was the best spot to catch actual, breaking news.

• “Bad Vegan, Part Two?”- This bad idea feels very meta.

• “'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' Robert Kiyosaki says he's $1.2 billion in debt because 'if I go bankrupt, the bank goes bankrupt.' not my problem'“- I’m not good at finances or economics but this doesn’t feel like a sound argument?

• “Oklahoma 13-year-old believed to be first person ever to beat Tetris”- Aww this kid’s dad would have been so proud.

• “Starbucks accused of manipulating app payments for $900 million profit”- Between loss, forgetting they exist, and things like this— consumers don’t win when it comes to gift cards.

• “Alaska Airlines grounds 737 Max 9 planes after section blows out mid-air”- NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

• “Pat McAfee accuses ESPN executive of sabotaging his show”- Strong move to accuse your team of sabotage.

• “WTF Is Up With Those Stanley Cups?”- This explains literally, nothing about the madness.

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More Serious Stories

We realize some of these can be triggering for some readers, so feel free to skip! Also, sometimes we use weird letter subs so we’re not flagged as gross spam email.

• “X Purges Prominent Journalists, Leftists With No Explanation”

• “Man arrested after World of Warcraft game helps police in Florida find missing 16-year-old girl from Ohio”

• “Duolingo turns to AI to generate content, cuts 10 percent of its contractors”

• “Lululemon distances itself from founder’s comments on its ‘whole diversity and inclusion thing’”

• “Drugs, Abuse, Imprisonment: A Secret ‘Love Is Blind’ Legal Battle Spills Out Into Public View (EXCLUSIVE)”

• “Navajo Nation’s objection to landing human remains on the moon prompts last-minute White House meeting”

• “$8.5M Nationwide Airbnb Scam Targeted Black People, Prosecutors Allege”

• “Teen Found Alive in Remote Utah Mountains After ‘Cyber-Kidnapping’”

• “How Troubled Teens Became a Billion-Dollar Industry”

• “Gypsy Rose Blanchard Was Convicted of Murder. Now, She’s Being Yassified”

• “Viral Houston Rapper Viper Arrested, Allegedly Kidnapped Woman for Five Years”

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P.S. While we’re obsessed with these stories, we don’t endorse any of these insane behaviors. 💋