Fake bling ring, brain rot lexicon & your BANANAS weighed too much 👀🍿🧃

Mar 05, 2025

Hi Wrecklings!

Hope your week is going better than the folks that just released the Shrek 5 trailer!

“Wellness Guru Matt Sauerhoff Tells Chef Neighbor to ‘Get the F— Out’ of Building After Being Asked to Leash His Dog”- He apparently still hasn’t apologized. Also, that dude’s pupils appeared huge, just saying.
“Burglars break into influencer's Bel Air home, find $100 bills that turn out to be prop money”- Always a bad idea to leave money lying around, even if it’s fake.
“Apple Watch Lawsuit Claims Some Bands Contain Harmful 'Forever Chemicals'“- Great, and apparently we all have a spoon’s worth of microplastics in our brains.
“Influencer Shares The Outfit That Got Her Sued By A Woman Who Got Fired For Wearing It To Work”- Come onnnnn.
“How Tiesto's celebrity tax attorney hid $100M in income for his client list of millionaire DJs and models”- Yiiiikes, that dude’s having a bad time with work.
”UConn professor arrested for using university funding on personal trips”- Love when we have some local CT scandal making an appearance.
“Forever 21 to lay off over 350 workers, shut down LA headquarters as store closures continue”- RIP to a legend.
‘‘This is a family issue’: Allegations are flying behind the scenes at Goya Foods”- Oh the minute I saw that press release last week I knew there were some shenanigans going on.
“‘Brain Rot’ Is Why Your Kids All Sound Like That”- Skibidi toilet rizz fr fr.
“James Harrison, whose blood donations saved over 2 million babies, has died”- Not scandal, this man just deserves to be shouted out for being a hero.
“Unruly Swan Apprehended By Police In Bruges After Menacing Tourists”- How does this wonderful menace not have a name yet.
“Couple arrested for allegedly forcing way past airport security — and throwing coffee in staffer’s face”- Holy cow I hate people so much.
“Trump Dealt Massive Blow as His Memecoin Tanks”- This has to be one of the worst timelines.
“She Fell In Love With ChatGPT. Like, Actual Love. With S3x.”- This was a FASCINATING listen.
“Russian Influencer Blinovskaya Jailed 5 Years for Tax Fraud”- Idk what jail is like there but probably not great.
“Publix sued for allegedly overcharging for weighted items”- I wouldn’t be shocked if they all did it, while having the machines scream the names of whatever you just weighed so they could make sure you’re not scanning everything as bananas.
“Woman caught trying to plant explosive devices at Tesla dealership”- “Criminal mischief” is always a term that makes me smile for some reason.
“Man Suffers Intestine Necrosis After Fiancee Electrocutes His Belly for 3 Hours as Pre-Marital Pain Test”- So… they won’t getting married, then?
“Jane Fonda Once Told Chelsea Handler to Get Her Shit Together”- This is more celeb-drama but I was Chelsea’s waitress at the Cape one summer and she was absolutely horrible. Black out drunk (she arrived like that).

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