Not enough Kyles, cheese rehab & unlimited shrimp are bad business 👀🍿🧃

Hi Wrecklings!

I went to an aquarium this weekend and as soon as I settle within a reasonable distance from one, I’m getting an unlimited membership because that’s a level of zen I need more of.

• “The Gouda, bad and ugly: NYC law student addicted to cheese went to nearly $6K-per-week rehab”- This… is… so… weird.

• “Anna Delvey is using her next court appearance as a ‘fashion presentation’ for her brand“- This whole thing is just such a BIZARRE, obvious money grab.

• “Scarlett Johansson Says OpenAI Ripped Off Her Voice for ChatGPT”- Because of course they did.

• Curious to see when all-things-Tesla officially start to topple:

  • “Tesla’s Full Self-Driving Tech Isn’t ‘Just Around The Corner’ And Now Owners Can Sue Over It”

  • “Woman Stuck in Tesla For 40 Minutes With 115 Degrees Temperature During Vehicle Update”

• “Postal worker caught racing Mustang in USPS van, hitting 105 mph in a 60 mph zone”- Irresponsible but impressive, nonetheless.

• “Slack users horrified to discover messages used for AI training”- The gross part is opt-in being the default vs. opt-in, because people definitely don’t read the fine print.

• “France Issues Scratch-and-Sniff Baguette Postage Stamps”- Not scandal, but I NEED these.

• “Asus Apologizes for Heavily Criticized Warranty and Return Service”- Psst, as a former publicist, I can assure you that they’re only genuinely sorry they got caught.

• “Johnny Knoxville Hit With $3 Million Lawsuit for Tasing Eric André’s Writing Partner on ‘The Prank Panel’”- I feel like if you join this team, it’s just a matter of time you get hurt in some dumb way.

• “706 people named Kyle got together in Texas. It wasn’t enough for a world record”- Should have assembled Mikes or Matts.

• “I dated the ‘Tinder Swindler’ of Hinge — I can’t believe I did something so dangerous”- Whyyy do people do things like this.

• “Red Lobster offered customers all-you-can-eat shrimp. That was a mistake”- To be fair, this feels obvious.

• “Avril Lavigne Addresses Melissa Body-Double Conspiracy Theory: ‘It’s Just Funny’”- This remains one of my favorite conspiracy theories.

• “The iconic Mirage in Las Vegas is closing after 34 years”- “…with the volcano being destroyed to make space for new rooms.” is a very-Vegas line.

• “The days of free refills at McDonald’s may be over”- As long as Panera doesn’t end the Unlimited Sip Club, I’m happy.

• This man continues to be incomprehensibly stupid:

  • “Mayor Adams' hype men, socialites and legal bills: How one strange fundraiser fell flat”

  • “NYC Mayor Eric Adams proposes immigrants as solution to lifeguard shortage because they are 'excellent swimmers'“

• “The return of Roaring Kitty”- This article had potential, but falls very short.

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More Serious Stories

We realize some of these can be triggering for some readers, so feel free to skip! Also, sometimes we use weird letter subs so we’re not flagged as gross spam email.

• “Step aside, Ozempic — Zyn is being touted as the new (delusional) weight-loss quick fix”

• “Author of a Children's Book About Grief Said Husband Would Be 'Better Off Dead' Before Killing Him: Prosecutors”

• “Disturbing video shows Mica Miller's pastor husband JP Miller laying on grass and sobbing while talking gibberish in high-pitched voice”

• “Nickelodeon Alum Victoria Justice Talks ‘Complex’ Relationship With Dan Schneider: ‘I Felt Like I Was Treated Unfairly’”

• “‘One Chip Challenge’ led to Massachusetts teen's death, autopsy finds”

• “Finance and business moguls held Zoom with Eric Adams urging him to bring in police on Columbia protesters”

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P.S. While we’re obsessed with these stories, we don’t endorse any of these insane behaviors. 💋